Transformation is a process, and as life happens there are tons of ups and downs. It’s a journey of discovery – there are moments on mountaintops and moments in deep valleys of despair. ~ Rick Warren
So it’s been a little over six months since I’ve had my accident and a lot has changed since then. My original plan was to stay in Spain indefinitely, but this accident made me realize that I wanted to be closer to family and friends (for now.) I am now in the states and it has only been four days. It’s a little early to determine my next move. Every time I’ve made a move I’ve had an idea of what I was going to do as it pertained to a job, but this time is different because I have NO CLUE. I mean, I have an idea of what I WANT to do, but I’m not sure where to start with that dream and to be honest, I’m a little nervous to put it out there.
My first step is believing my dreams can happen for me and not just for everyone else and that’s a start. More and more, I am facing my fears when it comes to me having a desire or dream. I’ve done a lot of things in spite of fear accompanying me on my various journeys. It’s not uncommon for me to pack up and move across the country or even out of the country. Those types of moves don’t bring the level of fear I’m feeling at the moment because this level requires me to reinvent and transform myself into someone new.
Before I left the states I worked in various corporate positions and in each of those positions I’ve been somewhat satisfied, but there was still something missing. Until I made the move abroad and became a teacher, corporate was all I knew after I left the military. When you think about it teaching is an extension of the corporate training that I once did, it’s just on a different level (the only difference was that I swapped out the adults for the three to sixteen-year-olds.)
My accident was definitely a valley experience and a time of despair. I honestly didn’t know what would come of that experience. The thoughts that ran through my mind are funny now, but at that moment they were real. I questioned God about my very existence and how could this happen, but the recovery process is still teaching me patience and endurance. I thought I was one of the most patient people in the world until this happened and I wanted my recovery process to happen immediately. I’m told that this process could take several years to recover. As I patiently trust this process, I will continue with my transformation and embrace that process as well.
I will start temping this coming week, but I have a few days before that starts. Right now, I’m learning how to be in a moment without trying to have it all figured out before I take a leap into my newness. So, I will enjoy these few days of cluelessness concerning long-term employment and “just be,” until inspiration hits me with the next move to make. My dreams are scaring me so I guess that’s a good thing, but I will put action behind them to make them become my reality.